Breakthroughs

 

I have had breakthroughs before. These were big for me. And I have an announcement to make.

I am JUST FINE.

Worrying about my child? NORMAL

Being stressed about possibly losing my job, about definitely having my job completely change, and interviewing for new jobs I’m not sure I want? NORMAL

(gratuitous Top Chef reference) Being way too happy that Zoi went home? NORMAL

Loving my kids but needing a break from them? NORMAL

Being 36 and taking stock of my life to this point, reassessing choices and wanting to be happy and loved and fulfilled and respected and understood? NORMAL

Needing reassurance and assurance and guidance and support and a kick in the ass and to give and be given to? COMPLETELY AND TOTALLY NORMAL.

I’ve decided that I am not going to buy into the hype - the hype that if you question things, if you are dissatisfied, if you have changed or grown and want to continue to change and grow and maybe that means growing away from what you once were and once needed then you are crazy and you need some therapy and some wellbutrin and to tell everyone hey, I’m crazy!  I am not buying it anymore.

There is nothing about me that is really any crazier than anyone else.  At what point did I decide that if everything isn’t perfect then I am mentally ill?  Or needy? Or ridiculous?

I have no idea. But I know it ends now.

I’m not crazy. And neither are you. We are all doing the best we can do.  And I think it’s high time we all got some credit for that!

***

Also, I have to stop being so self-deprecating. I love myself.  I don’t have to belittle myself just to be funny.

I wouldn’t let anyone do it to my kids. Or my family. Or my friends. I deserve nothing less. You believe what you hear over and over and over.  I have to stop letting myself say and think bad things about myself. 

This, too, ends now.

And there ya go. Breakthrough. Well, two of them. Heather-style.

~ by Heather on April 10, 2008.