I wonder if you think about the way

my hair falls in my eye

and you absently brush it away

because you like to look into my soul

when we talk and

because you know I

can’t hide anything from you when you

are that close to me

and you know I’ve been hurt

in deep, dark, twisted places

and you know I won’t, I can’t tell you why, who, how

but you know it’s there,

and you know somewhere behind all the sadness

and all the quiet

is something more.

something deeper

some happiness just waiting to be discovered

set free and cherished.

And I wonder if you

realize that you like to outline my lips

with your finger and you do it

over and over and over

like you are trying to memorize

their shape and their texture

and even when I’m saying things that

tell you nothing

your finger still follows, stays with the

movement and it makes me think

you care.

I wonder if you know

that you tell me things you probably wouldn’t tell

anyone else and you say things

you said you weren’t going to say

and I wonder if you set boundaries and then

cross them because of something I say

or something I do or

something I write and I wonder,

does that make you

want me less or more?

And when it’s late and dark

I’m lonely and

in an unfamiliar unfriendly place

and I let my guard down

and let myself think about you and

let myself have a glass of wine

or two

or an uncountable number of glasses of wine

and I ask you things you don’t want me to ask you

because we both know the anwers but we

don’t want to say the answers I wonder

I wonder

why you let me get away with all that…